Chope: Valley Of Love

Having never celebrated the occasion, I don't think I’m truly qualified to comment about Valentine's Day. But since when did something as trivial as “qualifications” stop anyone from doing something? It didn't stop Amber Chia from acting, Aznil from speaking English, and parrots from talking.

So every year, mostly young couples—though old singles have been known to join in—the world over spend February 14 expressing how much they love being in love, while florists, restaurants and the people who sell those annoying bears with sentiments like "Forever Love," celebrate how much they love the smell of money.

But cynicism about the commercialisation of such occasions is hardly novel. In fact, it's downright boring to hear people exaggerating the importance of Valentine's Day by making it something worth whining about. Getting a mee goreng when you ordered a Maggi goreng—that warrants some serious outrage. But why place more importance on a meaningless occasion by getting worked up over businesses exploiting it?

But since we're going to be fed images of white cupids, pink hearts and red roses soon, I thought it would be interesting instead to look at love and the pursuit of it in contemporary KL.

1. Meeting people is easy. Even in the Klang Valley. It's just that sometimes the people you meet are, how shall I put it—crazy. Seemingly normal people you decide to ask out would suddenly tell you, when there's no chance of escape, about how they like to cut themselves. Or they would suddenly show you their dance moves to Gwen Stefani's "Wind It Up" before asking you to show your moves. Unfortunately, it seems that sex isn't a dance.

2. Looking for physical pleasure in the city isn't too hard. Finding love, however, is harder than finding an empty seat on the LRT during rush hour. Much easier, however, is finding people who are looking for it. Some people are so eager that they're even willing to go on TV to compete for it as some did on Love Actually (or maybe it was the lifetime supply of ice cream that sealed the deal).

3. Looking for potential love in the time of MySpace is a lot less complicated. You can weigh the pros and cons of getting in touch with someone extremely attractive and thinks Celine Dion is the best singer in the world. Or you can completely ignore those who think Paris Hilton is. It's all there for you to scrutinise.

4. On the other hand, being in love on YouTube is tricky. Why can't things be like before, when people could have sex on the beach without being recorded and uploaded by strangers? Or why can't people get their handphones repaired without the technician looking through it—then discovering and uploading—a video of you getting it on in the most unflattering of angles?

5. The pursuit of love can make KL-ites do very, very strange things. Like calling up Fly FM's Flirty at 10.30 to ask someone out on a date. If you're already unafraid of expressing interest in someone, why not just call them direct? Unless, of course, you're hoping that being on radio would prevent rejection. I mean, only a cold heartless rock would reply, "No, I'm married and have two kids." Most people would rather lie than humiliate someone like that. So, guaranteed success.

6. There are lot of jealous people out there. Young Malay couples who pretend they are in Bollywood movies—you know, fooling around in a park, behind trees—are susceptible to be spied on, confronted, and possibly have that moment recorded for posterity. Rich old men and their mistresses, thankfully, don't suffer from such a fate.

7. Love usually only exists between your own kind. No, that does not make love gay. But it does mean that someone who goes to Zeta Bar will think they are beyond dating someone who prefers Q Bar. Stranger things have happened, but this divide will not be bridged anytime soon.

8. When you do find someone who is willing to be with you, you'll most likely be unworthy of that affection. It's true. That's what I've told some of the undeserving girls I've been with, and it's what I tell my male friends with attractive girlfriends. But that's love, whether in the Klang Valley or Kinta Valley.

In conclusion: I will never completely understand why someone who knows my greatest flaws, follies and failures would still choose to be with me, but then neither do most of us. Love's weird like that.

Brian Yap thinks love is the new like. What's the new like? It's everything the old isn't.. E-mail him at brian@freeform.com.my